While some people hesitate to choose a name for their baby without input from loved ones, the secret-keeping and opinion-blocking of not revealing the baby's name until the birth appeals to others. With the threat of unwanted criticism, keeping to yourself about the name of your little one seems like a safe choice. But on the other hand, you might’ve chosen a name that is extremely popular in your niece’s preschool classroom, but you won’t know until the deed is done. The matter of whether or not to share your baby’s name is completely up to you, and often, it varies from family to family. However, I’ve compiled each pro and con of sharing your baby’s name below, in order to guide you to what option is better for your family.
Pros
One of the biggest perks of sharing the naming process with loved ones is getting popularity insight from friends or siblings who might have kids of their own. If there are four Benjamins in your niece’s swim club, that might help you eliminate Benjamin from your list if minimum popularity is important to you. Without your family to guide you on popularity, you may find yourself opting for a choice that you think matches your popularity criteria and face a rude awakening when seemingly every kid you know is suddenly answering to the very name you chose.
Another pro of revealing the name ahead of time is getting to have family and friends refer to the baby by name. While calling your child “the baby” and “little one” is sweet, referring to the baby by name personalizes the experience.
If your shortlist isn’t quite short enough, the opinions of friends and family can help narrow down the options. By letting loved ones say the names out loud, you might notice that one of your top 10 contenders sounds terrible with your surname, or is constantly mispronounced by everyone who attempts it. As well as hearing others try to pronounce the names you’re considering, you can also test the connotation associated with the names you're considering on people of several different age groups, which is always helpful in the case that you might be considering the name of a villain in a popular tv show or book not directed at your age group.
Finally, including your family in the decision making process and letting them in on the final decision makes everyone feel more involved in the decision and in the life of the baby. Although choosing a baby name secretly with your partner can be more efficient, having family and friends in the loop can make the whole experience more fun, as well as more insightful.
Cons
Although some families go light on criticism, dishing out a brief “I don’t think that will age well” or “Not my style,” when a name doesn’t appeal to them, others will launch into a full-blown lecture on every name that’s mentioned. In many cases, revealing the name to family and friends before the baby is born can put strain on the relationships and cause the expecting couple to doubt that any of their choices are suitable. Unwanted criticism can steer families away from the name they love, which makes keeping the name you're considering under wraps a more appealing solution.
Another unwanted conflict that might arise when involving family in the naming decision is honor names. If who the baby is being named after sets fire to the conversation at Thanksgiving, or the right to have a baby named after them becomes a family auction, maybe you’d be better off keeping the name to yourself until your baby arrives. Honor names shouldn’t be dished out lightly, and being pressured into naming your baby after Uncle Gary isn’t ideal, especially when it’s avoidable.
One last downfall of involving your loved ones in the baby naming process is the immense pressure to stick to your choice. If you’ve told everyone in your family and friend group that your baby is going to be called Arden, and grandma Edith has knitted a blanket with “Arden” on it, your brother has ordered a customized plaque with “Arden” inscripted on it, and grandpa Tom has been working all day painting “Arden” on the nursery wall, and all of your girlfriends put together a “Welcome Home, Arden” sign for after you arrive from the hospital, it’s a whole lot more pressure to stick to Arden, even if you don’t think it suits your daughter when you finally do meet her. Without the unintentional pressure from family and friends to stick to your first whim, you get much more wiggle room in terms of how many times you can change your front-runner.
Again, this is a decision that is entirely your own to make. However, I think the pros outweigh the cons in terms of whether or not to keep the baby naming process to yourself. Without the added pressure, whether intentional or not, I think the process would be smoother and less stressful than it would with familial input.
Sincerely,
~Delphina Moon
If you would like to hear more of my opinions on naming topics, send me a request through my form!
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